HOLY Mother of God, what have they done!
Mary, a biblical epic directed by DJ Caruso, is billed as a “coming-of-age journey” about the Blessed Virgin, the mother of Jesus Christ.
Now streaming on Netflix for the Christmas season, the Nativity scenes are reimagined like something from the Disney+ Star Wars studios, to win favour with a younger and more impressionable audience.
Starring the sultry Noa Cohen as Mary, the devilishly handsome Ido Tako as Joseph, and veteran powerhouse Anthony Hopkins as King Herod, it’s got it all – a miraculous conception, a merciless sovereign, a murderous pursuit, and partridges in pear trees.
Over the top and ham-fisted it all is, and it certainly doesn’t live in the memory like Franco Zeffirelli’s Jesus of Nazareth or Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ. Caruso’s film is wishy-washy Hollywood fantasy that sees Mary of Nazareth depicted as a ‘Mother of Dragons’-style heroine with swashbuckling and roof jumping aplenty.
To say the director has taken artistic liberties would be an understatement. More historic accuracy can found in The Life of Brian, as Caruso has instead opted for Lord of the Rings fancy, that is hard to fathom on any level.
The devout amongst you will find this one pretty hard to stomach. Joseph is more Errol Flynn than inconspicuous carpenter as he battles devils and cuts down Roman soldiers with his sword.
Mary is shunned following an otherworldly conception and forced to flee when Herod’s insatiable thirst for power ignites a murderous pursuit for the newborn. Thankfully, her dashing husband is on hand with all the swagger he can muster to protect his new family. In one scene as the dastardly Romans close in, and their hiding place is consumed by flames, Joseph urges Mary to put Jesus in a wicker basket and hurl him off the roof. It’s all totally ridiculous.
I tell you what though, Bible lessons were never this much fun in my day!
(2/5)
