AFTER more than a decade in a marriage where she suffered physical, sexual, financial, emotional, and mental abuse, the trigger for Niamh to grab her children and run came when her daughter pleaded to be let leave for school rather than witness her mother get a savage beating.
“I was getting her ready to go when he laid into me. She said ‘can I just go – I don’t want to be here?’, something in me realised this is not right,” Niamh, speaking on condition of a pseudonym to maintain her privacy, told the Limerick Post.
Her partner became gradually controlling, cutting Niamh off from friends and activities. When they had children, he insisted she give up work.
“That was what he wanted. I had children, I had no money, no friends. I just stayed in the house all day while he worked and went out with other women. If I complained to his family that he was treating me badly, they told me that social services would come and take the children if I reported it.
“I had no hope. I thought, who would believe me? I have broken teeth, scars on my face, he beat me in front of my children, he tried to strangle me while I was holding our baby, he raped me – but he was the one with a good career. I looked like a broken woman”.
Niamh had heard about the services provided by ADAPT and ran to them when the time finally came to flee.
“I had nothing. I grabbed the kids and our passports, we literally had nothing else.
“They helped me in every practical way and so much more. Nights were the worst, when the kids are asleep and your mind is going crazy. I sat so many nights with the staff and they listened while I cried and told me it would be ok.”
But Niamh says her struggle didn’t end there, and the Limerick-based domestic abuse services organisation helped there too.
“There was the love bombing,” she said. “I was getting 20 emails a day, all full of apologies, promising it would be better. You’re trying to deal with that and there’s guilt, I thought at first that I was depriving the children of a good father.
“But ADAPT helped me to be strong through all that and my key worker came with me to court when he was dragging me in there every two weeks with different applications”.
Now Niamh has moved out of the refuge and is living in private accommodation, learning to drive, studying, and working.
“I would say to women in that situation – there is help. You don’t believe it but there really is so much help out there. I know.
“And to people who have never been in that situation – don’t ask ‘Why don’t you just leave?’. Ask the right question, ‘why isn’t he in prison?'”
ADAPT provides refuge accommodation, support groups, outreach, and one-to-one support for those experiencing domestic abuse. To learn more about the organisation or get in touch, a full list of ADAPT’s services and information can be found on adaptservices.ie.
