WITH the Christmas season upon us once again and a biting chill in the air, it’s important we remember not to leave local councillors out in the cold.
And look, if they are not toilet trained and they have to sleep outdoors, at the very least put a bowl of food and water out for them.
After all, councillors are not just for Christmas, or that six month spell in the run up to an election where they have to try and squeeze five years’ work into a number of weeks at the end of their term.
Sure they can be disobedient little blighters but their hearts are mostly in the right place, even if they do leave a mess on your best rug on occasion. Yes, they can be all bark, but you will find there’s usually very little substance to any of their futile yelping.
In the build-up to Local Elections 2024, you will notice your pesky pet councillor is more needy than usual, scratching on doors and baying at potholes. But rest assured, once the ballot is cast, they’ll leave you be once again. They are known to disappear for lengthy periods where you won’t see sight nor sound of them, but they will always come knocking when they are in heat at election time.
Leaving a plate of well-buttered scones out for them is often said to be the best way to stop them from wandering, but they are a fickle breed by nature and will usually turn up where they are most likely to receive the warmest welcome.
Actually, there’s every possibility they won’t return to your door at all but will instead slip an election flyer in your letterbox in the dead of night so you won’t scold them for straying in the past.
If they do return, try and speak softly and, if at all possible, don’t tell them you have decided to give the opposition a go this time round, if you really want to entice them in for a good bollocking.
If you are a light sleeper or you are worried about upsetting the neighbours with your local councillor howling at the moon all night and barking at every passing car, maybe consider getting a goldfish instead.
As we saw at County Hall this week, councillors have a tendency to go for other councillors when frightened and really could do with being muzzled at times.
At Monday’s meeting of the Metropolitan District we witnessed an unusual sight. While mostly you will find politicians chasing after hearses and buses and any other moving vehicle to whine endlessly about Active Travel measures, here we had a councillor jumping to defend anyone with a bad word to say about the city bus service.
Fine Gael councillor Sarah Kiely proposed a motion calling on the Council to write to Bus Éireann locally and the National Transport Authority to ask why drivers are not stopping at marked bus stops and taking alternative routes on the city service.
Supporting her motion, party colleague Cllr Daniel Butler claimed the people of Hyde Road have been “totally neglected, and, from what I can see, discriminated against in terms of the bus service that is being provided to them”.
This did not go down well at all at all.
Fianna Fáil councillor Catherine Slattery had her back up, foaming at the mouth and was only mad to tear chunks out of the Fine Gael bench.
“I think it is disgraceful that an elected member would be targeting bus drivers who are doing a fantastic job in our city, especially with all the works that are going on,” she growled.
“And for Cllr Butler to say that Hyde Road is being neglected and discriminated — what a load of tripe.
“I am from that area. My own mother uses the bus regularly. I use the bus regularly, and I think that statement is just disgraceful and needs to be retracted.”
When Cllr Butler did not take the opportunity to retract the statement, Cllr Slattery decided it was time to bare her teeth.
“Ask Cllr Butler when was the last time he was on Hyde Road. I would like to know because I have never seen him there,” she told Cllr Azad Talukder, chairing the meeting.
“I used to work in the area, Cllr Slattery, but you wouldn’t know that you have been gone from the area for so long,” Cllr Butler snarled back.
“You don’t know anything about my personal life, so don’t even go there,” was the response.
Remember, if you are going to take a local councillor into your home this Christmas, keep them away from representatives of other parties in the run up to Local Elections 2024 or they will wake up your neighbourhood with all their bellowing at each other. Though I would urge you to take my advice and get a tortoise instead.
