PICTURE the scene. The sound of lively Balalaika folk music and Cossack dancing is interrupted by the sharp shrill of a telephone ringing in Dublin’s Russian Embassy.
“Comrade, we have a problem. The Deputy Mayor of Limerick is looking to go toe-to-toe with the motherland. He’s baying for blood.”
Ambassador Yuriy Filatov spits out his Mamont vodka.
“Not the brown bear of City North? Kieran O’Hanlon? How long Dimitri before we can have a plane fuelled and ready for departure to the Kremlin?
“Call Putin and make him aware of the threat. Get the generals to have fighter jets in the air destined for Merchant’s Quay before the ducks reach Moscow. This is serious.”
Ah lads, what have ye done to us?
We’re doomed I tell you. And just when the auld nuclear bunker on Patrick Street has been destroyed to make way for the Opera Centre. The timing is just awful.
But, of course, as history has shown, we are renowned for our heroic defence of our homestead. And with three All-Ireland Senior Hurling titles in a row under our belt, we’d have a fair crack at anyone!
We have a siege mentality here in Limerick, as anyone barking for Active Travel’s head on a plate will attest to.
Still, we could do without councillors going all Dr Strangelove during the course of their meetings to antagonise foreign forces.
That said, you have to admire the bold twinkle in Limerick Deputy Mayor Cllr Kieran O’Hanlon’s eye as he called for trade unions to take a stand and leave Dublin’s Russian Embassy in the dark.
Sadly councillors seem to have about as much skin in this particular game at local government level as Randy Quaid on Oscar night, and while noble to use their platform to highlight Russia’s war on Ukraine, in reality, the call was about as useful as a chocolate teapot.
Hats off to the Fianna Fáil politician’s chutzpah regardless, though hopefully we won’t pay for it in some doomsday apocalyptic nightmare that might put paid to the O’Connell Street Revitalisation project one way or another.
During a recent presentation on the Offer a Home initiative, a project aiming to house Ukrainians escaping the war in their homeland, Cllr O’Hanlon’s thoughts were with those “at the end of Putin’s savagery”.
The Fianna Fáil representative hit out at the war crimes being carried out in Ukraine and called for a strong, clear message to be sent out.
“When we look at the atrocities, war crimes, and savagery, the trade unions should turn off the gas, water, and electricity at the Russian Embassy in Dublin. Trade unions should take a stand on that,” Cllr O’Hanlon as, somewhere in the background, a bus barrelled over several unsuspecting trade unionists.
Under the new Offer a Home programme, Limerick City and County Council are currently taking offers of houses, apartments, or holiday homes for temporary accommodation for Ukrainian people and families.
Limerick people are on the side of right and have been bending over backwards to help in any way they can since the Russian invasion, as is, for the most part, their way.
And while local representatives might be better served sorting out street lighting and potholes, each and every one of us has a voice that should be used at every opportunity to call out injustice whenever we see it.
After Cllr O’Hanlon’s did just this in the Dooradoyle council chamber, this reporter, who has always been fond of poking the bear – as my pals in the Adare-Rathkeale District will corroborate – made several attempts to get a comment from the Russian Embassy.
Unfortunately, there appeared to be no one home. Maybe the trade unions did cut them off after all?
Whatever the reason, they had no intention of talking to me. The story of my life!
Then another thought struck me.
The Irish people, already on their knees struggling with a cost of living crisis, have also been living with the fear of electricity blackouts this winter. Unless the Russian Embassy has its own generator, maybe they decided to scram back to Siberia before we’re all left in the dark!
In fairness, the prospect of an Irish winter without heating or Wi-Fi, living on rainwater and, god forbid, having to talk to one another is far more frightening to most than coming face-to-face with Baba Yaga.
Maybe the Irish Government and their talk of power cuts had more impact than we realise.
Maybe they just didn’t want a ruck with Limerick’s council members. Before you know it they’d have knocked the Bolshoi Theatre and replaced it with a fountain.
Or is it possible that Ambassador Filatov is huddled by candlelight somewhere in his Rathmines office, wrapped in 40 coats and jackets, trying to make sense of Limerick’s travel infrastructure before sending the troops on the back of O’Hanlon’s comments?
“Dimitri, what trickery is this? All their cycle lanes come to a sudden halt! And you wouldn’t drive an ass and cart over the Shannon Bridge, never mind a unit of battle tanks.”
