Hell hath no fury
There are many things in life which scare me. Enclosed spaces, owls, the music of Nathan Carter, the thought of dying alone. But one thing scares me like no other. And, unlike the aforementioned, there is no real way of avoiding this thing, of dealing with it or even escaping from it. Should you encounter this monstrosity it’s simply a case of gritting your teeth and hoping you live to tell the tale.
An angry woman. That is the most terrifying thing on earth. I’m not talking about a slightly irate woman, the kind you see every day, the ones who chuck furniture at you and look at you like you’ve eaten their last Rolo. No, I’m referring to the lesser spotted, much more dangerous individual, the angry woman; the properly angry woman, the ‘I’m in such a rage that I might decide to kill you and feed you to the pigeons’ woman. Her.
Whether girlfriend or mother, wife or child, these women are to be treated with kid gloves, handled with the same kind of care a bomb-squad deploys when sent in to diffuse a potentially lethal device. If, and it’s a big if, you manage to survive the initial onslaught which, depending on the individual, could last five minutes or up to an hour, you should immediately retreat to the neutral zone – I suggest the back-garden – and wait for the storm to die down. With any luck you might have a shed out there you can sleep in.
Being fully cognisant of my fears, the women in my life do their utmost to retain a level of decorum when in my presence. And, for that, I thank them. Because, for any woman, remaining calm in this country, during these times, is no mean feat.
I have discussed the possibility of repealing the Eighth Amendment in this column before – somehow managing to irritate both pro-choice and pro-lifers in the process – so let’s leave that to one side for the moment. I’ll come back to it later, as I will the controversy surrounding the National Maternity Hospital. What I want to focus on first is something I read over the weekend, a statistic which, even after repeated readings, I’m still struggling to get my head around. It read as follows: “At least one in five Irish women will experience domestic or sexual abuse during their lifetime.”
Call me naïve but I find this astonishing. And, as ever with crimes of this nature, we must take into consideration the amount of cases which go unreported, the number of women who choose to suffer in silence, afraid to go the Gardaí for fear of further repercussions. Who knows what the real figure is, how deep this issue really goes?
But wait, it gets worse. Domestic violence is not a specified offence in this country, instead it falls under the umbrella of other, non-specific, crimes; assault, threat to harm, that kind of thing. Naturally enough, without clear demarcation, it’s impossible to ascertain its prevalence; that figure of one in five is just a conservative estimate. The reality is, without appropriate legislation, it’s impossible to quantify just how many women suffer abuse at the hands of those closest to them and, as a result, it’s impossible to provide the correct level of support and protection for those affected.
Steps are being taken to address this issue, data is being analysed, research undertaken, but in terms of immediate action, nothing is planned. Nothing will be done, at least in the short-term, to ensure these crimes, their perpetrators and their victims receive the specialised treatment they require.
When we’re not ignoring what is clearly an ongoing crisis we’re sermonising mothers-to-be on the perils of consuming alcohol while pregnant. Published last week, a report by the Irish Medical Organisation informed us that 600 children are born with Foetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) in Ireland each year, a condition which can cause brain damage and physical, mental and behavioural difficulties in affected children. According to the report, 80% of Irish mothers consumed some alcohol during their first pregnancy.
Swiftly following on from this damning indictment of the way Irish women conduct themselves when with-child came a story about the consequences of taking Epilim when in the family way. Exposure to this drug, a medication prescribed to control epileptic seizures, increases the risk of birth defects by up to 40%. Yet when Karen Keely, a mother of three from Meath and an epileptic, became pregnant with her youngest child she was told that there was a 5% chance of the foetus being affected and she should remain on Epilim for the duration of her term. Her son, Lorcan (18), was subsequently born with a rare congenital disorder, meaning he will require full care for the rest of his life. Karen’s other son, Harry, has the same disorder, her third son, Lorcan, has Asperger’s.
So, on the one hand, we have a report which, it’s no exaggeration to say, is guilty of scaremongering. A report which demonises women for partaking in the occasional tipple while pregnant and states that “adults with FAS fill our jails,” the intimation being that it was their stupid, alcohol-obsessed mothers who put them there. And on the other we have a woman who, like any expectant parent, took the relevant precautions to ensure her children were born fit and healthy and was let down by an incompetent member of the medical profession.
Bearing this in mind is it any wonder the women of this country, and I specify the women, want to see the Eighth Amendment repealed? Is it any wonder they wish to be granted full control of their bodies at all times when those entrusted with proffering advice and guidance are so, at turns, either condescending or downright inept?
And, to extend this point further, is it any wonder they baulk at the prospect of having the new National Maternity Hospital built on grounds owned by a religious order? An order which, in the recent past, disposed of the remains of young children rather than give them the burial afforded to most ordinary human beings?
I don’t believe that, should it end up being built on the current proposed site, the Religious Sisters of Charity will interfere in how the hospital is run. Nor do I believe it will attempt to prevent any procedures taking place which contravene its Catholic ethos. But as an expectant mother would you be comfortable giving birth to a child on those premises, knowing that the proprietor of the estate was part of an organisation which governed mother and baby homes for over seventy years?
As a white, heterosexual male living in a relatively wealthy westernised country, I’m part of one of the most privileged demographics in the world. If I’ve ever suffered discrimination of any kind I probably haven’t even been aware of it. And yet, right alongside me, working with me, living with me, exists a populace who continue to be treated like second-class citizens, a populace who should be part of this progressive republic, but somehow aren’t. These women, our women, have every right to be angry. If I were them, I’d be angry all the time.
Parental guidance advised
Speaking of mothers and babies, I can’t ever really recall having a babysitter as a child. I’m sure I had them when I was small, but once I reached the age of nine or ten I was allowed to roam the streets like a feral animal. The world was a safer place then though, and when it came to sexually explicit material the worst I could possibly be exposed to was a used condom in the woods or, that much sought-after bounty, the stashed porno mag in the bushes.
It’s different nowadays, kids as young as eight are being subjected to the kind of images that even a grown adult would find disturbing. Parents have tried to fight back, restricting Internet access, blocking inappropriate websites. But most children already know more about technology than their folks and can easily circumnavigate whatever ham-fisted constraints are put in place.
Enter ‘Gallery Guardian’, an app which, when installed, instantly informs a parent whenever their beloved receives, sends or views adult material. The app, which needs to be installed on both child’s and parent’s phone, cannot be deleted unless the holder of the account, i.e. the parent, contacts the distributor directly.
Although not yet available in Ireland the ‘Gallery Guardian’ app is compatible with both Android and iPhone and is expected to be released here in the coming months. When it does come out expect to see scores of frustrated teenagers feverishly rummaging through the bushes in your area.
