Scottish footballer sticks the boot into Bruff

Jordan Moore during his short time with Limerick FC.
Jordan Moore during his short time with Limerick FC.
Jordan Moore during his short time with Limerick FC.

A FORMER Dundee United striker’s outlandish, dystopian account of life in Limerick, has raised more than a few eyebrows throughout the city and county.

In a fantastical interview with a Scottish national newspaper, 22-year-old Jordan Moore who signed a deal with Limerick FC last February, describes a scene where horses are tied to every lamppost, farmers put their cows in every shop and a ghostly nun returns to scrape the convent walls every night.

The former Dundee United, Queens Park and Dunfermline player impressed after a strong performance in a pre-season friendly against Cork City in which he had a goal ruled out for offside. However, his account of life in Limerick off the pitch fails to cover him in glory.

“Limerick is known as Stab City. I stayed in a village called Bruff, about 30k from the city, and on every second lamppost there is a horse tied up. There must be 20 horses in every street you walk down. But if you tried to cut the horses loose, they would kill you – supposedly,” Moore told the Herald Scotland.

“One day the police came and moved all the horses away. The next day it turned out the guys who owned the horses had smashed up every shop and put all their cows in the actual shops and the schools as well. This is true. It was crazy.

“The farmers who had cows in their fields also put them in the shops and supermarkets, for revenge,” he claimed.

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The Glaswegian-born footballer, who recently beat skin cancer, goes on to describe Bruff as “the weirdest village ever”.

“The locals would jump on the backs of horses and just ride along. There were no cars. Or at least there was more horses than cars. I think they were gypsy horses. They actually looked terrible,” he commented.

Moore wasn’t at all pleased with his lodgings during his time with the Super Blues either.

“I stayed in an old convent. The front garden was a graveyard. A nun had committed suicide in my room and her gravestone, and this was in the garden, was overturned. There was the sound of scraping on the walls inside the room every night. I swear this is true,” Jordan declared.

According to his somewhat questionable parallel universe experience of County Limerick, drug deals in local pubs were another problem he had to contend with.

“There was all sorts of things going on, including drug deals,” he said.

Bruff councillor Bill O’Donnell described the Scottish footballer’s comments as “imbecilic” and “ludicrous”.

“He’s a bit old to be believing in ghost stories. The picture he paints of himself doesn’t show him to have any credibility either. He has clearly painted the town in an unfair fashion but Bruff’s reputation is so strong it could not be damaged by his imbecilic remarks,” Cllr O’Donnell insists.

Having returned to his homeland to play with Raith Rovers, Scotland’s answer to Walter Mitty also felt he was unfairly treated by Limerick FC during his short time with the club.

“I found getting my money a lot harder than the rest of the guys. I’d ask where the money was and they would say ‘ah, you’ll get it next week after the game.’ Then after the game I would be taken to the burger van and they would whip out the coins and say; ‘take that now and we’ll count it later.'”

Limerick FC said they were hurt, angered and dumbfounded by these comments which they totally and utterly refute.

“We are aware that the community of Bruff has been left understandably distressed by the said article,” said a spokesman for the club.

However, in a grovelling apology to Limerick FC after the article appeared, Moore seems to have consumed a large slice of humble pie.

“To all at Limerick FC, I am writing to apologise unreservedly for any distress I may have caused by the coverage in today’s newspapers. It was completely unintentional. The people in the town were extremely nice to me during my time there and I am sorry for any offence and distress I have caused.

“I have been a bit naïve and it is a harsh lesson learned for me. Again, my apologies.”

A spokesman for Limerick City and County Council said they accepted the apology and welcomed the clarification that the people of Bruff were extremely nice to him during his time there.

“This is what we have come to know and expect of Bruff, which is a very hospitable and welcoming town and anything but what was portrayed in the article, which Jordan now clearly states was unintentional.”

 by Alan Jacques

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