ALAN Quinlan revealed how he descended into darkness after a 14 week suspension ruled him out of the Lions tour.
In his autobiography Red-Blooded, launched this week, he speaks openly about how he was haunted by the moments surrounding the eye-gouging incident in last year’s the Heineken Cup semi-final.
“So, in the minutes, hours, days weeks and months that came after the Leo Cullen incident, I replayed it all in my mind. Again and again”.
The player defended his action and spoke about the moments surrounding the incident.
“Did I think: ‘Now, if I angle my fingers just right, I might be able to gouge Leo’s eyeballs, cause him serious, long-term injury, possibly put him out of work, but I need to be careful because the ref is nearby and the TV cameras might pick it up?
“Did I think that? No,” wrote Quinlan.
Quinlan feels his reputation as a confrontational player didn’t help.
“I have a tough reputation and I catch a lot of flak for being mouthy and for giving away stupid penalties but I’m not a dirty player”.
After the game he said that the problem grew:
“Within hours of the disappointment of losing a Heineken Cup semi-final to Leinster, i was battling something much deeper and much darker.
“I sank into depression which took me months to get out of and, by the end, I knew how lucky I was to have come up for air again”.
The suspension coupled with defeat to Munster bitter rivals Leinster was difficult to take.
“We’ve lost to Leinster in a Heineken Cup semi-final. Our semi-final. The one we were supposed to win. the one that was supposed to be a prelude to winning our second Heineken Cup in a row – the only Irish team to do so. It was to be a Munster first. We were going to write Munster history, Irish history”.
Quinlan also wrote about how Tipperary hurling legend Nicky English had noticed something was amiss before the province’s 25-6 defeat in that game sensed that something was lacking.
“As an athlete who has achieved a lot, he’d seen something as an outsider that we hadn’t, it was obviously something small but it was there, nonetheless”.
He writes about the pressure of being subjected to the intense glare of the media.
“It’s a funny experience being in the public eye. people think they own you, that you are public property”.
