MEMBERS of MILES (Men in Limerick Experiencing Separation) are adamant that the judicial system and both voluntary and statutory bodies within this country, are unjust and serve the needs of women before men.
Joe Wallace, secretary of MILES, argues there is an imbalance in the legal system in favour of women.
“It is a little known fact that 60 per cent of incidences of domestic violence in this country are incited by women and when a garda is called to a house regardless of the situation, the man is always asked to leave”.
Joe explained what he claims to be a double-standard in the Irish legal system. “If a man steps out of line regarding maintenance or otherwise, he is always punished”.
John O’Callaghan, managing director of the group, also feels very strongly about this. He said: “It is generally accepted that men can survive on their own. But this is not true and many men we have dealt with have had to sleep in cars after being asked to leave their home”.
He feels that it is easier for both parents if separation is amicable and they share the responsibility of parenting the child. “If the responsibility is shared, the child will have more balance and structure in their life”.
John agreed with this assessment and believes “men have a very positive role to play in the family. Statistics show that children are better behaved if their father is in the picture. It also has to be acknowledged that many single parents do a great job”.
He argues: “Many men that come to our meetings are being denied the right to see their children, which are being used as pawns.”
Joe agreed. “Some of the lads that come down might not see their child for a year, even though they’re legally entitled to, but when their custody case comes up in court nothing happens”.
He provided an example of one man they had dealt with. “He had to slept on a bus shelter just outside the city centre. His wife had kicked him out because he had lost his job and was doing a FAS course while she maintained a high salary, so she just got tired of him and kicked him out”.
John claims that the legal system is geared towards protecting women. “If a man goes to the guards with a complaint of verbal or physical abuse, he is told to go home and think about it and have a cup of tea, but if a woman goes in with the same complaint, the man will be brought in for questioning and a report will be filed”.
He also believes that society misjudges separation. “It is widely accepted that separation has less of an effect on men and our situation is less recognised by state and voluntary bodies. For example, social workers are trained to protect the mother of the children”.
Joe said that separated men are treated like second class citizens. “We are often denied access to our children and are treated like criminals. Because proper support services are not in place, separated men often become a burden on the state as separation affects their mental health and well-being jobs are often lost”.
MILES argue that Family Law cases should be removed from the Criminal Court and they should take place elsewhere. “It’s demeaning and demoralising to be put in with criminals when you haven’t broken the law”.
The emotional support group for men was established in 2004 as a HSE initiative, and is waiting for charitable status. It is funded by the HSE and PAUL partnership.
John explained what the group has to offer. “Traditionally, when a marriage broke down men often had nowhere to turn for support but now we offer that service”.
He promoted the benefits of the group. “It gives separated men a chance to talk to other men in a similar situation”.
The group offer a confidential non-judgemental environment for men to talk freely about their separation.
MILES get men of all ages from all sections of society from architects to sales reps to doctors, often mentally destroyed by separation.
At meetings, the group provide emotional support, guidance, information and guest speakers.
Joe Wallace, secretary, interjected. “We also offer men support…. if they are court, we will travel down with them.”
MILES also provides advice and counselling for issues that affect men after separation such as legal rights, anger management, addiction and parenting.
The group use funding they receive to produce literature, provide training courses and operate their helpline.
They hope to secure funding in the near future to open an office space/drop-in centre in the city centre where separated men can present themselves.
Back to John: “To the guys out there that are sitting at home suffering in silence, you’ll meet a nice group of people at MILES.. Don’t have any preconceived notions when you arrive because it will be totally different to what you expect”.
He explained, “We don’t judge anyone that comes through the door, we let them talk and give them guidance”.
He concluded: “It’s a safe non-judgemental space where the mental health of the men that come in is our priority. I’ve broken down and cried during meetings about my own problems and listening to the abuse other men have suffered”.
The group meets every Thursday at 8.30pm in the Social Services Centre on Henry Street.
